Silent Communication
by Michelle Birkby
Summary: This is set around the first season episode First Commandment. What if Jonas had succeeded in throwing himself and Sam into the open wormhole plus how did Sam deal with the death of a man she had once loved.
1. Default Chapter

SILENT COMMUNICATION  
  
************************  
  
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"Please, Sam, I'm having a moment" Jonas gloated. He'd gone way beyond unstable now, Jack realised. The man had gone cuckoo, insane, lost all his facilities, his marbles had gone AWOL....and he had a tight hold of Carter. This was not a good situation. Surreptitiously, Jack pulled at the rope binding his hands.  
  
********  
  
"Sir, incoming wormhole." Tech Davis announced. Hammond waited for the IDC code.  
  
"No code." He told him, as calmly as if he were presenting a traffic report.  
  
"Close the iris." Hammond ordered. He hated giving that order. He always worried that it was an SGC team on the other side whose signaller had broken, or couldn't get the code through for some reason. Nevertheless, he always gave it. But this time, he felt even more uncomfortable.  
  
*********  
  
"Today I fulfil that promise!" Jonas screamed, going to the weird metal mushroom device. Jack had freed his hands, but he was uncomfortably aware of the open wormhole beside him. He knew damn well the iris would be closed. He knew damn well anyone who went through would die. He wasn't doing anything until he was sure everyone was away from the gate.  
  
****  
  
Hammond peered over Davis's shoulder at the display. It made no sense at all to him, but his instincts were screaming at him to open the gate.  
  
"Still no signal?" he asked, for the third time.  
  
"No Sir."  
  
Davis confirmed.  
  
******  
  
"There are two devices, and both need to be turned on for the shield to work!" Daniel shouted. "Watch!"  
  
Jamal fired the staff weapon, and the shield shot up and arced over their heads. Everyone looked up, following the orange glow. Everyone except Jack, who still watched Jonas. Saw Jonas grab Sam, yelling   
  
"Taking you with me!"  
  
Jack ran forward, trying to intercept Jonas before he reached the gate, but tripped over the long robe he wore. Jonas pulled Sam round him, out of Jack's reach, and the two of them fell headlong into the open wormhole.  
  
Then it closed.  
  
*******  
  
"Open the iris!" Hammond ordered.  
  
"But Sir, we've received no signal.." Davis started to say, but Hammond looked at him, just once, and Davis hurriedly opened the iris. Hammond watched the wormhole apprehensively. He only hoped his screaming instincts had been right.  
  
**********  
  
"Daniel, dial home." Jack said, calmly, more calmly then he felt. Daniel just stared at the gate, the wormhole gone.  
  
"Jack, there was no signal. She's...." Daniel started to say.  
  
"Daniel, open the damn gate!" Jack shouted, his self-control slipping.  
  
******  
  
Jack came crashing through the gate moments later, sprawling across the ramp. He looked up to see Jonas standing at the bottom of the ramp, his arm wrapped around Sam's neck, a gun to her head. Sam had a massive gash across her forehead where she hit the ramp, but otherwise she seemed fine. Angry, but fine. Jack let go of a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, and got up. She was ok. He could fix things now, as long as she was ok.  
  
Jack got up slowly, waving at the SF's to back off. Jonas was insane enough to start shooting, God knows, and the first person he'd shoot would be Carter.  
  
"You're not going anywhere." Jack said, as Jonas backed away towards the door.  
  
"If I don't get out of here, I'll shoot her." Jonas said, and Jack winced, just a little.  
  
"I thought you loved her." Jack said, trying to reach whatever part of Jonas's mind that had cared for Carter once. Sam grimaced, she didn't care to be reminded, and stumbled as Jonas stepped back.  
  
"Love her?" Jonas spat. "She won't let anyone love her. She's too self-sufficient. She doesn't need anybody. Not me, not her father, not you."  
  
Sam glanced up at Jack then, and he saw the idea in her eyes.  
  
"All she loves is her work." Jonas continued, his voice dripping with vitriol. "There'll never be any man she loves more than that."  
  
Jack ignored him. Silently, his eyes met Carter's. Without a word, with just a flicker in their eyes, they made their plan. Slowly, she nodded, then, a second later, he moved his head, imperceptibly.  
  
Jonas stepped back. Sam, pretending to stumble, fell forward, out of his arms. Jack grabbed the gun off the nearest SF, and shot Jonas. 


	2. chapter 2

TWO NIGHTS LATER  
  
Jack hadn't seen Sam since he'd shot Jonas. Doctor Frasier had insisted on rushing her to the infirmary to deal with the head wound. He's thought about visiting her there, but wasn't sure she's be pleased to see him. After all, he had shot and killed her fiancé.  
  
"Ex-fiancé" he reminded himself out loud, startling an SF he happened to be passing. Instead, he wandered the corridors. It was getting to be a habit with him, this wandering around late at night, when he should be sleeping. He never slept much now. At first he'd just try to find his way around, but now he knew the base like the back of his hand. Now he just drifted from lab to lab, from Teal'c's room to the commissary, control room to the briefing room. Now he found himself at Daniel's door.  
  
"Jack, come in." Daniel said, automatically handing him coffee. He never slept much any more either. "Sam's fine." He said, squinting down at the piece of parchment in his hand.  
  
"I know." Jack said.  
  
"How? You haven't visited her." Daniel reproached him, peering at him over the tops of his glasses.  
  
"I asked the Doctor." Jack said. He'd hung about outside the infirmary, not sure why. He knew Carter wasn't going to die, but he'd felt a small cold fear in his stomach until he knew, knew exactly what was going to happen to her. He'd bugged the Doctor until she'd finally snapped and said,  
  
"Colonel O'Neill, I may be new here, but I assure you, over the next few years you will realise I know exactly what I'm doing. Captain Carter will be fine, now go away and leave me alone until I ask to come see me."  
  
Meekly, and much to his surprise, he'd done exactly as she had said.  
  
"Why didn't you visit her?" Daniel asked.  
  
"Doctor Frasier?"  
  
"Sam." Daniel said impatiently.  
  
"I killed her fiancé."  
  
"Ex-fiancé"  
  
"Still...."  
  
"She's not angry with you, you know." Daniel reassured him. Jack shrugged, put down his coffee mug, and left.   
  
And found himself roaming the corridors again, not sure what he was looking for. Just remembering...that one moment of silent communication he'd had with Carter, back in the gateroom. It wasn't new, good soldiers should be able to communicate like that, but he hadn't had that close a link with someone else since Kowalsky, and it had surprised him, that just for that one second, there'd been no need for words or gestures. They'd read each other thoughts.  
  
And then he found what he was looking for.  
  
Carter's lab.   
  
*****  
  
She hadn't thought about what happened. She'd carefully filed every single moment of the past three days away in the back of her mind. She didn't want to think about it. And if she tried very very hard, she could forget it.  
  
Probably.  
  
So she returned to her lab, to her work, to her little place of safety.  
  
And didn't think about Jonas's blood spilling over her as the Colonel had shot him. Didn't think about how rough he was when he grabbed her, how gentle he'd once been. Didn't think about the insanity in his eyes when he called himself God, the intensity of his eyes when he insisted he was the only one who had ever loved her, would ever love her. She didn't feel anything at all, as she returned to her experiment.  
  
It wouldn't work, over and over again, the little machine she'd been working on. She tried one combination, then another, but she was beginning to get frustrated. She was hungry, and tired, but didn't dare leave her work. She couldn't leave it. She picked up the screwdriver, to loosen the casing, but the screwdriver slipped and scraped across her hand, digging in, leaving a large cut.  
  
"Damn it!" she shouted. "Damn, that hurt." She started to wrap a plaster around it, but her hand was shaking, and before she realised it, she was crying. She started to sob, but couldn't stop herself. Suddenly, all her self-defences crumbled. Shaking, she crouched down, underneath the table, biting her lip, trying to get the uncontrollable crying stopped. God help her if anyone saw her now!  
  
"Carter, you in here?" she heard a voice call. No, not the Colonel! Anyone but the Colonel. It had taken so long for him to accept her as a soldier. She couldn't let him see her like this. She bit down even harder on her lip, so hard she drew blood, wrapping her arms tightly around herself to stop the shaking. Whatever happened, he mustn't see her crying.  
  
***** 


	3. chapter 3

Jack could have sworn she was in here. He was certain he'd heard her swear as he walked up the corridor. But the lab was empty now.  
  
He turned to leave, then heard a muffled sob. He turned back. Just behind the table, he could see a shadow. Was that Carter? And was she actually crying? He wasn't at his best dealing with sobbing captains, and he turned to leave.  
  
Then he hesitated. He remembered that moment of silent communication in the gateroom. She wasn't just any captain. She was part of his team now. That second had proved it, that she was his responsibility now. He couldn't just walk away and leave her crying alone. Sighing and oddly nervous, he walked round the table.  
  
"Hello Sir." Carter said, looking up at him with a tear-stained face.  
  
"Why are you sitting down there?" he asked.  
  
"I was hiding." She replied, honestly. He shrugged, and sat down beside her.  
  
"Who are you hiding from?" he asked, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be sitting behind her lab table. He noticed the cut on her hand, and took the plaster from her.  
  
"You." She said, watching her superior officer place the plaster over her cut. He was surprisingly gentle.  
  
"Can't say I blame you, I'd hide from myself too."  
  
She laughed, well, grinned, despite herself, and he smiled a little. This may not be as difficult as he thought.  
  
"How did you cut yourself?" he asked.  
  
"The screwdriver slipped." She explained.  
  
"And, that's why you're..you know...crying." He stammered.  
  
"No! No, that's not it. It's Jonas." She said, half-indignant.  
  
"Jonas." He said, and his heart constricted. He wasn't surprised, or hurt but..he didn't know. He didn't know what he felt.  
  
"I'm not crying for the man you killed." She said. "I'm crying for the man he was once."  
  
"Oh." He said. He didn't know what else to say. He really wasn't very good at this, he had no idea how to comfort her, whether he should hold her, or what to do.  
  
"That man who proclaimed himself God, that wasn't Jonas." She said. She didn't know why she was telling him all this. It would have been different if it had been Daniel, or Doctor Frasier, but she hadn't meant to tell him this. She didn't want him to see her like this, weak and vulnerable. But she didn't want to stop.  
  
"So what was he like, when you fell in love with him?" Jack asked, and for a moment, he hated saying that.  
  
"He was charming." She said, smiling softly, as she remembered. "Athletic, funny, good-looking, confident. And popular. Women were lining up around the block to go out with him."  
  
"I don't suppose there were any shortage of men chasing you either." He said, then winced. He probably wasn't supposed to say that sort of thing to his second in command. But she only smiled.  
  
"If there were I didn't notice. This was back during the war, and I was so wrapped up in my work that I never noticed anyone or anything. But the war...."  
  
Jack remembered the war. Things were different then. Emotions were heightened. Every moment of pleasure was grabbed, in case you were dead tomorrow. Suddenly, everything was more intense, colours brighter, women more beautiful, and over all the hedonistic, breathless, desperate pleasure seeking hung the pall of death. She wouldn't have been the first person to fall in love during war, and regret it in peace.  
  
"I remember." He said softly. She looked at him, and saw that he understood. He knew.  
  
"I did love him." She insisted softly. "I couldn't believe he wanted me. So many women wanted him. But he chose me. He made me special."  
  
"What changed?"  
  
"The black ops missions. I don't know what went on during those missions..."  
  
Jack knew. Jack didn't tell her. Somehow he didn't want her to know the things he and Jonas had had to do those during those days, the lengths they'd gone to, the laws they'd broken, the darkness they'd embraced to win the day. His commanding officer had once said they'd used the devil's methods for the sake of the angels.  
  
"He came back changed." She said, slowly, remembering, recalling those days. "Just little things. He had to be in control. Everything had to be done his way. And I let him. I knew he'd been through hell. I wanted to save him."  
  
"But you couldn't."  
  
"No. I broke it off. And then today..."  
  
"You're wrong you know." Jack said. Sam turned to face him surprised. She was so close, her face so near, he could see right into the intense blue of her eyes.  
  
"He didn't make you special." He told her, and her eyes widened a little. "You did that all by yourself." He told her. He hadn't meant to say that, but he was lost in her eyes. It felt like the floor was falling away. There, in her face, it suddenly felt like there was a whole new future in front of him, one he'd felt he'd lost a long time ago, new joy, new pain, new life. He could feel something new stir inside him, a long-dead emotion, and he suddenly felt dizzy, seeing whole new possibilities there, in the deep sea-blue of her eyes. Something fundamental had just changed for him, but not a word had been spoken.  
  
He swallowed, and looked away.  
  
"It's corny." He said, and she realised he was talking about what he said, and not that shock she'd just felt travel through her when she'd looked into those intense, dark, so dark eyes. Suddenly, whatever she'd felt for Jonas seemed insipid and pallid.  
  
"But it's true." He continued.  
  
"Yes Sir." She said, standing up. "And thanks for letting me talk."  
  
"Anytime. Well, maybe next time in a nice warm comfortable bar, rather than the floor of your lab. I have a bad back you know , Carter." She laughed, and he turned to go, but he turned in the doorway to watch her, just for a second, as she settled back down to work. And he knew now, this wasn't going to be the first time he watched her when she didn't know. Wouldn't be the first time she smiled at him that way, and his heart turned over. He would never be able to watch her walk into danger again without a slight hint of panic, never be able to watch another man care for her without a pang. Silently, his life had changed.  
  
In that one moment of silent communication, he handed his soul over to her. 


End file.
